In Memory of the 10th anniversary of 09-11-01

I am hoping that I can stop crying long enough to write this blog post that is important to me. As I type the tears are still streaming and my fur-kids are still trying to console me, confused as to why I'm so sad and hurting.

Many of you I know are wondering why this Canadian photographer is writing and is so torn up about an event that happened in the US ten years ago.  Well..... I am also part American.  I grew up in Seattle and spent half of my childhood there and the other half in Vancouver BC.  I carry both full US & Canadian Citizenships and am very proud of BOTH my countries.

10 years ago tomorrow morning, I know I will never ever forget what I was doing, nor for the next week after it happened as well.  I had been lying in bed in the wee hours of the morning , as Victoria BC was where I was residing and it is PST.  It was one of the few glorious days off I had and sleeping in was one of the things I had been looking forward to.  Now keep in mind as well, I have also always been teased mercilessly by both sides of my family & friends.  My American friends/family tease me about being Canadian Eh, and my Canadian friends/family tease me about being American.  I remember it was early in the morning when my friend Angela phoned me and my bf at the time tossed me the phone.  She told me what had happened and at first, I thought she was just giving me a hard time as I groggily told her that was not a funny joke and I was very angry at her.  She said if you don't believe me turn on the radio (as she knew we didn't have cable tv at the time)  I flipped it on and it was on every station.....I sat on the floor in the hallway stunned.  That was my main emotion for the next few days.  Stunned.

Her husband was in the Canadian Navy, Victoria is a Navy town home to CFB Esquimalt.  When she had gone to drop him off that morning, there were armed guards, bomb sniffing dogs and the base was getting ready to lock down.  All civilians had been ordered off the base including the dockyard crews which normally stayed no matter what.  Those dropping off friends/spouses were told to drop them off and turn around immediately at the gates.  No one knew when they would see them again, depending on what all had happened. We were all still so very confused and lost.  After she called me, she drove over, knowing it would be taking a toll on me as well as her, so we drew comfort from each other while we waited to hear what had happened.  So did my bf.  We even turned on the tv even though there was such poor reception but we could get the audio at least.  The toll just kept on mounting and the tears then, as they do now, I just couldnt seem to stop.  I called all my friends and family in the states praying everyone was safe & accounted for.

My moms best friend, who's an aunt to me in every way, travels alot being an waste management engineer so I called my mum to find out if she was okay.  Thankfully she was home safe, her nephew however was not.  Her nephew, was like a distant relative and my brother had recently considered working with him as he was considering the same field at the time.  Architecture. Her nephew lived in New York City.  I hadn't thought about it at the time, figuring what are the odds hes actually in the danger zone, as she told me, he worked right across the street from the Twin Towers.  His wife was 8 months pregnant and had decided to stop in to bring him coffee that morning.  We worried about them for 3 days before they were able to be able to get a short phone call through.  They were alive, the baby was fine, somehow she never went into premature labor - a miracle in itself, they made it through together, although, missing their shoes.  As I made frantic phone calls as bile rose in my throat and fear raced in my veins waiting to hear what had happened, how could this have happened, we listened to the TV.

My friend and I had both been Air Cadets & Cadet Instructors.  She was an Aircraft Maintenance Engineer & Pilot herself.  She listened as I paced, cried and fretted.  Then she jumped up and ran to her truck and brought back a big thick binder.  It was an engineering book on a 747.  She looked at me and said I know what happened!  I know how they got in and I know what happened to the plane that landed in the field.  This was hours before the official reports would state the exact thing she told me.  She explained using the books diagrams how to get into the cockpit - apparently too many pilots had been locking themselves out so their was a fail-safe in place that wasn't generally known about except for flight crews.  With dread we knew what had happened to the other plane - they had to have had a struggle in the cockpit it didn't make sense any other way.  It wasn't long before the news confirmed her conclusions.  As the hits kept coming, the towers, the pentagon, the field .... my world kept getting more and more pear shaped.

The next few days was a blur of a roller coaster of emotion.  We prayed for all the families, for the victims, for the heroes, we cheered with relief as each person was found, and waited with baited breath for more to be found.  My friend the engineer, was deadly afraid of needles, but when the call came in from Red Cross - she called them and said sign me up.  Her husband, my bf and herself could all donate.  I knew from experience given my poor health - I am unable to donate.   Those three days of waiting I cried, I cursed, I prayed, I thanked my lucky stars for my loved ones being safe and I did it all again.

10 years later, I will never forget the heroes, the sacrifices made, the victims lost and their families.  I might be a Canadian Photographer, but I am also part American and have loved ones in the States, including NYC.  I will never ever forget.  And tomorrow I will be likely doing much of the same thing I did 10 years ago.  Cry, Curse & Pray, thank my lucky stars for all I have and hug those dear to me.

WE WILL NOT FORGET!